With the EU Referendum drawing ever closer, both sides are gearing up for the final straight. In this Referendum Campaign Broadcast, Vote Leave argues its case on the basis of the security of the NHS.
The broadcast begins with a black screen. Then the ominous music kicks in. Then some white text appears on the black screen. Vote Leave are not messing around, this is serious business. I’m half expecting the deep voiced “In a world…” man from the movie trailers to be the narrator.
Sadly not. Instead, a rather concerned sounding British woman gives us a brief history of the NHS, accompanied by images of its founders. After all, there is nothing like a picture of Churchill to get the patriotic juices flowing. But, as the concerned lady tells us, our lovely NHS is at risk. The heart rate monitor begins to flat line. Why is no one attempting CPR? Probably a junior doctor’s fault, with their strikes and their wanting fairer contracts.
We then cut to a satellite map of Europe to demonstrate how Britain sends £350 Million a week to Brussels. Although from the way they talk about it, you could be forgiven for thinking it was Mordor. My question is, just where did the Leave Campaign get this satellite footage from? They probably acquired it from secret immigrant spy planes sent by the Orcs, I mean diplomats in Brussels.
This £350 Million is “wasted” apparently, and would be enough to build one new hospital per week. That is all well and good, but there’s only so many new hospitals we need. You think overcrowding from immigration is bad, if the Leave Campaign have their way you won’t be able to move for hospitals. Just you wait and see, they will soon be on every street corner, stealing our jobs, claiming our benefits. Honestly, the thought of it makes me sick. Good job there would be so many hospitals I suppose.
Notice as well the usage of tenses. This money could go towards building new hospitals. It could equally be spent on MP bonuses. Or building a water slide in the House of Commons. We’ve no guarantees.
It is only going to get worse however. “The Euro is broken”, and the EU plan to let more countries join. The concerned narrator lady is definitely more of a glass half empty sort of person. All of this is made abundantly clear by the image of a Euro sign shattering all over Europe. Well there’s seven years bad luck for a start off.
But you can change all of this by Voting Leave on 23rd June, so that’s a weight off.
The Broadcast then takes on an altogether cheerier tone. Everything’s now brimming with the same kind of optimism as the in-colour segments in an injury lawyers’ advert. The music sounds as though it has been lifted from one as well.
Here, we’re introduced to Doris (let’s call her Doris. She looks like a Doris). Doris is making a cup of tea. What could be more British than a cup of tea? No doubt Brussels will ban us from drinking tea if we stay in the EU. But all is not well with Doris. She’s got a terrible cough, and her concerned looking daughter (this could well be our narrator in the flesh) rushes her straight to A&E.
Now we’re shown what Doris’ hospital trip would be like both in and outside the EU in parallel screens, a visual gimmick lifted straight from the delightfully inventive Indie Rom-Com (500) Days of Summer (I’m a sucker for an inventive Indie Rom-Coms). The footage from the outside of the EU scenario is on the right hand side of the screen. I doubt there is any significance in that.
Life seems far rosier outside of the EU than it does inside. More nurses on staff, less overcrowding in the waiting room, no queue at the reception desk. It is this that I take particular issue with. Queuing is an essential part of our national identity. Take queuing away from us, and where would be? There would be riots in the streets. We need queuing. It brings order to our grumpiness. Plus, the existence of queuing gives us more to grumble about.
Going by the broadcast, things don’t look good for Doris if we remain inside of the EU. If you vote Remain, you will be responsible for Doris’ death. You will be an accessory to her murder. Can you live with that on your conscience? Can you?
Outside of the EU however, everything is just peachy. She gets seen by a cosy bearded Doctor and her generic TV illness seems all but cured. The whole world is bathed in sort of Classical Hollywood, Vaseline-on-the-lens glow. It’s a bit like a fragrance advert. If you wanted to smell like latex gloves and hand sanitizer.
Overall, the answer is clear. In order to stop the NHS having heart failure and to be able to build infinite hospitals and live the kind of Utopian lives enjoyed by those in bingo adverts, we need to destroy the One Ring. Our wedding ring. From our marriage to the EU. This metaphor has become grossly confused.
VOTE LEAVE!! (Don’t vote Leave. Or do vote Leave. Study the facts and make reasoned, intelligent decisions and vote whichever way you deem best. Justso long as you do vote. And don’t take advice from “satirical” critiques of campaign broadcasts).
Image credit: flickr.com/kelsey97